Recently, all three of my sons became one year older. Fifteen, fourteen, eight – kind of makes me gasp for air. Cliché’s are true. They grow up fast. Last year, 2020, we had everyone’s birthday at home. We even had a hard time getting gifts because some things were just impossible to get when COVID first hit. There’s been time to reflect and think about my influence as their mom in the last year. It’s surreal when I realize I am at the point where they become young men. But, time – it waits for no one. My heart is so full, it breaks and it swells at the same time. Sounds crazy but if you’re a mom one day you’ll understand what I mean. Today, I’m writing to my sons. The three people in this world that I have been privileged to influence daily. My prayer is that I live up to the role. That I give them exactly what God knows they need from me. That they know, truly and fully, what love is because I have shown them the love of God first hand and that they freely give it out in return. Happy Birthday my LOVES! The one accomplishment, honor and privilege I am most proud of is you (all three of you). Forever.
Dear Cameron, love so big on your 15th birthday.
I often think back to the day I realized you were a reality. In my mid twenties, kind of frivolously going through life. I didn’t know what being a mom would really be like, but I knew I couldn’t wait to see your face. You were remarkable then an even more so now. Still every bit the same and very much different from when you were born. You’ve always been a mellow kid. When I had been carrying you for around five months, my body had plans to kick you out early. You caused me to slow down even then. It was you and me, literally, for all the hours of the day. I’ll spare you the details but you have taught me more than I ever imagined. You grew my faith before I knew it was needed. There were medical scares, plenty of sad days and moments of feeling unprepared. More than anything, you have always been worth it. I hope you know how proud I am to be your mom.
Who you are.
At heart, you are generous, calm, consistent, supportive, loving, smart, and always grateful. You give more of yourself than you take from other’s. You are respectful, honest, and rare. The quiet to every storm even when it may be brewing in your own heart. Though difficult, you face challenges and overcome fears. There is nothing in this world that you cannot do when you so choose.
My prayer is that you know just how valuable you are not only to me, but also to God. I may be your mom, and I know everything, but there are things He will only share with you along the way. The person, all on your own, that He has created you to be. My part, being your mom, is only part of His plan. Life can be hard and you’ve already had your fair share of those experiences. Still, you are more than worth it and you are more than able. Dream big son. Fifteen – it’s crazy that we are here. It’s like the time hasn’t passed at all through my eyes. The privilege is mine to influence and guide your life. The world is better because you are in it. My life is here in part to make room for yours. The things you will go on to do in this world will blow your mind. I can’t wait to simply witness the unfolding of God’s best gifts in your life. He’s paved your way and I’m thrilled to watch you take it.
Dear Christian, love so big on your 14th birthday.
You will hate that I call you babe, but I’m going to do it anyway! My babe, the one who loves me like no other. What do I mean? Well, you are not the type of kid who readily accepts everyone! Very few people have not had to prove themselves to you. I am currently still at the top of that list. One day I’m sure I’ll give up the ranks to the woman who manages to put all of your big ideas into perspective (insert “mom stop” here). Your personality is big and your vision and desires are bigger. There’s no doubt in my mind that God gave both me and you your older brother for very specific reasons. He’s the calm to your chaos. Someday, you will appreciate that in huge doses. You have changed the way I do life on many levels. You’ve been quick to do it all. From arriving in this world four weeks early, to walking before I could even blink. You don’t know it yet, but you’ve been raising the bar from day one.
Purposed.
You are strong, powerful, talented and created for a specific purpose. You will lead many and create change every where you go. My prayer is that you always know that the plans God has for you are perfectly designed in your favor. You need only seek to access them. I have the privilege to mold and influence your life as your mom. More importantly, you mold and influence mine.
I am wiser and strengthened each day because of you. You’ve tossed my parenting abilities upside-down. You were born with tenacity and a conviction from God that doesn’t allow you to settle or stray. At least not for long. Listen to it, surrender to it, all the days of your life. You are great because Christ lives through you. Fourteen isn’t the last stop, it is merely a stepping stone and I can’t wait to see you change this world! You were born smart in more ways than one. Though sometimes things won’t seem fair, never stop tapping in. Never sacrifice your character for the mere moments because you are purposed to have an impact far greater than you can imagine today.
Dear Carson, love so big on your 8th birthday.
You, my dear, have truly changed my life! I always say you are a perfect mixture of your brothers. A little sass and a little steady. Well, sometimes a lot of sass but I’ll take it! The baby of the family, you know exactly how to get what you want from each of us. I often wonder how you’re able to do that. It’s as if you were born already knowing us even more than we know ourselves. You have a spark that’s undeniable. A spirit that communicates beyond your years. You won’t fully understand or know it yet, but your youngest years have been some of the toughest of my life. In spite of that, I know that God was certain you’d make my life what it is today. Renewed, refreshed, and fulfilling. You are so full of life and never lacking! I’m certain your brothers would agree. You can out talk us all, you radiate joy, and pour out love in the best ways. Your desire for knowing more will take you further than you can dream in this life.
Love even bigger.
My prayer is that you never stop seeing the best in all people and in every situation. You cause me to be better everyday. Always creating a space for grace to live freely asking nothing in return. At eight years old you model something we should all aspire to be – centered on loving others just as Christ loves us. You are that kid! A reflection of the best things in life and yet still a small portion of what you will become. Never rush the moments in time. There will be plenty to fill your path as you grow. I love that I get to be your mom. You teach me to give more of myself unconditionally each day. Here’s to the best year’s, longest conversations and deepest discussions you can dream of. You are worth more than all Minecraft coins in the world!
one more thing.
This is a love so big only God can create it. That is worth sacrificing for.
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I could not have imagined what it feels like to experience my children growing up. Each day I find myself stopping time, for just a moment to realize who they actually are. They are my greatest gift. Today, I only want them to know that I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.
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