Today I turn 40 years old. I still can’t believe I’m saying that! The funny part is I didn’t feel like life was a journey until about three years ago. We say it all the time, right – life is a journey, but. do we really know it? I didn’t. I didn’t know it until I began to feel it. I never thought I’d be reaching this milestone in life after divorce. I was forced into the transformation that had been knocking on my door for years. The girl who once was just a girl, living her life, seemingly making it through good times and hard times had no idea that she had yet to scratch the surface. My Faith would grow and be tested. I would be stretched and shattered, lost and alone. I would come to know God and in Him find myself, my passion and my purpose.
Who I thought I was, my plans, it all changed.
It took nearly 40 years for me to become who I am today and roughly 20 of them figuring out that I had no idea who I was or why I was here. It’s a strange feeling to think through all the years leading up to this one. I have evolved, but not in an unrecognizable way. Inside, I’ve always felt like I was this person, the 40 year old me. Yet, what I lived out was a hamster wheel, where I constantly tried to catch up to the me who lived in my mind.
I don’t think I’ve been through it all but I’ve definitely been through a lot. It’s funny how God can take the things that make us feel the most worthless and use it to frame just how worthy we actually are! Some things, like life after divorce, finding myself professionally in my 40’s, being a co parent and single mom, and experiencing the loss of a parent through sickness, have become part of my story. None of which were part of my plan.
What now? Well, I’m only accepting up!
This year, I don’t get to have the party I imagined or the vacation my best friend and I intended to plan (because – pandemic), but I did get to plan the most amazing photo shoot for my boys and I! More to come on that, but for now, you can shop the ties they wore by clicking here. To be happy on my birthday, to be loved by those I love, to smile, laugh, reflect and turn the page is what I’m here for this year! Seems simple enough doesn’t it? While I’ve spent many years chasing the dream instead of living it, this one is different. I am different. This isn’t just 40. This is my journey. The raw, real, unexpected, fun, fashionable, exciting, sometimes mundane, tearful, faith filled and faith tested life that I get to live!
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